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Healthyfoodanddrinkforyou1000字

83分
2025-02-26 19:57:46 字数:

Good morning ladies and gentlemen!

I'm very glad to make a speech here.This time,I'd like to talk something about health.

As you know,health is very important to everyone.It's better than wealth.But now some people are not healthy.They are overweight or skinny.

Do you want to stay healthy?Well,you shouldn't eat a lots of ice cream,hamburgers,sugar and cola .If you want to have the bright eyes,you should eat crarrots,eggs and blueberries.And milk,cheese and fish are good for your teeth.You can have lots of delicious chicken soup when you are tired.You can have lots of energy this way.

Now,lots of people hate eating food,because they want to stay slim.That's wrong.You have to have a good braekfast,lunch and dinner every day.And you should eat lots of fruit and vegetables.

Believe me,you can have lots of energy,with glowing skin,bright eyes and feel healthy all the time this way.Do you want to try it?

Finally,you have to important to remember:eat well,stay healthy,and don't get overweight or skinny.

初一:郑嘉慧

写作思路解析

善于以小见大,借助引人思索的设问手法调动读者思考延伸思考,文字饱含浓郁生活气息,场景真实可感,自带浓厚烟火味,从小事件引申出深层感悟。不局限描写事件本身,能够向外延伸思考。这种写作拓展思路,非常适合日常作文训练。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

作文打分:83分(满分100)
存在不足
!素材和观点融合度一般,部分事例只是简单罗列,缺少分析串联。结尾感悟略显仓促,铺垫不足,升华显得生硬,过渡不够自然。
作文优点
观点表达清晰直白,不晦涩难懂,读者容易理解文章主旨。行文流畅,很少出现语句卡顿、逻辑断裂的情况。
改进建议
描写人物时兼顾动作、神态、内心想法,多角度塑造形象。控制开篇铺垫篇幅,不要过多铺垫迟迟不进入核心事件。
综合点评
内容充实饱满,素材储备充足,叙事条理清楚,能够完整表达自身想法。段落划分规范,不存在逻辑混乱问题,基础写作功底扎实。文中亮点较为分散,缺少集中发力的重点段落,很难形成强有力的记忆点。
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