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Mydream作文900字

88分
2025-02-12 14:35:44 字数:

Everyone has a dream.So do I.I never dream of becoming a cool students because I think a cool student is something I won not have. My dream is very simple but it is hard to come true. That is have a good environment.

There are many kind of pollution on our Earth.Such as white pollution, water pollution ,noise pollution and so on.The pollution is much more serious than I can expect.I see a lot of dirty river beside my home.There is rubbish in the water and the fish are dead.What is more serious,some factories still neglect the environmental rules and throw the waste into the water.They are killing our river!

But we are glad to see that more and more students from all over the world begin to protect the environment.They go to different cites and villages to preside more and more people to join their movement. I think we all can join it. Environment will be better and better.

Protecting our environment is our duty.This is my dream. I will keep struggling for my dream.

六年级:周志鹏

写作思路解析

紧扣主旨层层深入,缓缓诉说所见所思,借助虚实相生的虚实结合拓展想象空间增强文章感染力,情感厚重内敛真挚,不刻意张扬,力量藏于文字深处。叙事由浅入深,情绪逐步递进,不会平铺直叙单调乏味。作者善于引发读者共鸣,文字朴实有力,能够清晰传递自身想法,阅读体验佳。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

作文打分:88分(满分100)
作文优点
行文节奏稳定舒缓,叙述条理清晰,不急躁仓促。善于观察身边事物,积累生活化素材,文章充满烟火气息。
改进建议
深度挖掘事件背后蕴含的道理,不要只简单陈述事件经过。段落排布长短交错,优化页面阅读观感。
综合点评
文章主线清晰稳固,不容易跑题偏题。叙事条理清楚,但是描写手段单一,以叙述为主,神态、动作细节刻画不足。
存在不足
!语言创新不足,很多表述较为常规,缺少个性化表达。素材选择偏向大众化,构思思路较为保守,缺少新颖切入点,很难带给读者新鲜感。
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