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专八作文《梦想还是幻想》

88分
2025-11-22 18:34:24 字数:

专八作文《梦想还是幻想》

On Illusion

Some people are committed to their dreams and work hard to achieve their goals. What is guiding them is a kind of illusion.Some people think that illusion is good for success while others argue that it is not so good because it may get people unrealistic. As far as I am concerned, illusion is necessary in our life only if it is encouraging and realistic.

There are several reasons.First of all, there is power in illusion. The illusion can lead people to the path they want to go on and it gives us passion. We need to live each moment wholeheartedly, with all our senses so that we can find pleasure in the fragrance of backyard garden, the crayoned picture of a six-year-old, and the enchanting beauty of a rainbow. The illusion can be enthusiastic love of life that puts sparkle in our eyes, a lilt in our steps and smoothes the wrinkles from our souls.

Secondly, we are born with wide-eyed, enthusiastic wonder as anyone knows who has ever seen an infant’s delight at the jingle of keys or the scurrying of a beetle. It is this childlike wonder and illusion that gives enthusiastic people such a youthful air, no matter how old they are. For example, the famous cellist Pablo Casals would start his day by playing Bach. Music, for him, was an elixir that made life a never-ending adventure. As author and poet Samuel once wrote, “Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”

Lastly, people with illusions also love what they do, regardless of money or power or title. If we cannot do what we love as a full-time career, we can as do a part-time vocation, like the head of state who paints, the nun who runs marathons and the executive who handcrafts furniture. We cannot afford to waste tears and energy and time on “might-have-beens”. We need to turn the tears into sweat as we go after “what-can-be”.

To sum up, God gives each bird its food, but he does not throw it into its nest. Wherever you want to go, just cherish your precious illusion and let your dream be realized.

【专八作文《梦想还是幻想》】

写作思路解析

语言简洁清爽,依靠详尽有序的铺陈叙述完善故事脉络传递心绪,描写细腻栩栩如生,人物与景物刻画逼真,画面感突出,不存在多余累赘语句。剔除冗余表述,行文凝练干净。每一段都具备相应作用,文字把控能力优秀,值得学习精简表达。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

作文打分:88分(满分100)
综合点评
行文节奏松紧有度,详略安排基本合理,开头引入自然,结尾收束稳妥。素材选取恰当,能够有效支撑文章主旨。语言打磨尚有提升空间,部分句子略显口语化,书面表达质感有待加强。
作文优点
叙事视角稳定,全程保持统一口吻,文风协调统一。具备基础细节意识,能够简单刻画场景,搭建基础画面。
改进建议
优化段落过渡方式,可以借助景物、情绪自然衔接上下文,减少生硬跳转。叙事完成之后预留篇幅进行深度思考,结合事件抒发个人感悟,拔高文章立意,让文章不止停留在讲故事层面。
存在不足
!部分语句重复啰嗦,适当精简之后行文会更加紧凑。结尾升华仓促,缺少前文铺垫,感悟显得生硬。
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